Wednesday, July 21, 2004
life hasn't been great these daes, actually not even mildly pleasant, been juz a living dead walking ard these few daes, or more accurately, since common test ended. problems juz seem keep surfacing. juz feel like crying at times for no apparent reason, n this sux. realli does. juz can't seem to get myself to get juz a lil less moody watsoever. nothing seems to help. after feeling a whee bit better, i'll juz sink back to e shity mood, or even worse. i duno wat's troubling me or if there is any. is this how u feel like when u get stressed? i duno, cos tis nv ever happened to me. never in my 18 yrs as a human.
partly its cos of sch work. results. haf to face up to reality dat slacking for e past 1.5 yrs realli dosen't pay. not a bright student, for all i know, i might juz not b able to catch up wif my work now. too late for regrets yah. n e sch's piling hw like nobody's business. i juz feel sick thinking of all e hw. stacks n stacks of revision exerciese. they realli come in waves. juz clear one n another comes along. guess this is e price i hafta pay. if i had known it wuld result in this, i might have juz put in more effort.
had career toks. supposedly to help us decide on our future, but it has juz confused me further. realli duno wat to do wif my life. n it realli dosen't help to haf tchers dat juz wu li qu nao durin lessons. realli dreading gg for them. duno wat's happening, or wat we do dat makes her think that way. she juz misinterprete our actions n makes assumptions dat are so untrue. i think dat's realli sad. but looking at my own life now, i dun think i shuld make any comment cos mine is juz as sad.
all these flgs suck. it realli bogs me down. n watching movies dun help. not even bimbotic ones. dun even find them funny, or mayb juz a little amusing. juz feel dat i'm dreading e nxt dae now. its juz more n more work. its been juz 2 wks of piling work. duno how long i'm gg to survive... really... i haf hopes for myself... deep down somewhere... but e future seems bleak now... if not it does not even feel like its there...
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.
ROXYfied