Friday, October 01, 2004
somehow e feeling of being devastated disappears as yrs pass... been failing since sec sch...so its nothing to fail tests... but not exams. since j1, exams started to c Fs n Os... soon got use to it too. but now, e feeling seems to b coming back. it suddenly dawned on me dat if others are getting e As n stuff... why aren't i? its true i haven't been working hard... but surely smth better den wat i'm getting bah...
i'm juz disappointed... As not far away, results arent' showing... tchers are saying e papers are A level standard...yet it still sucks. there are careless mistakes, causing me to get downgraded... by 2 grades. but the thing is even w/o careless mistakes... e grades aren't deem "quality" to tchers.. n sadly by myself too. although i've gotten use to e grades, seemingly unaffected by e grades... but deep down somewhere, there's always tis tiny hope of doing well. call it wishful thinking... but i can't help it.
in sch it doesn't seem dat bad cos u haf pple ard u to make u forget bout e sucky grades... pple to comfort u( if dat's of any use), at least pple to tok to. at hm... its juz radio, tv, com, walls. parents... though they are always there can never feel the same way. they juz don't know it. think its juz e gap. no matter wat... its there.
anw feeling realli tired of all these stuff, dun feel like going on anymore. e sort of rewards frm studying arent showing, or juz not enough to cover e disappointment. getting gd grades for a particular subj juz makes u happie for dat hr... dat period. after that, juz more blows. juz wonder how many more i can take before collapsing... will i stand up again? dat's a gd qn i wan to find out n need to find out.
actually i allocated myself 1 day to b sad. haha. its yest. juz tot of tis so i'll juz write it down 2dae. okay... everything shuld b ok le.. time to carry on, n start my crazy timetable.
"Make progress one time and it makes you happy. Make progress day after day, week after week and it makes you a champion."
ROXYfied